#advice in #books for #husbands of #clergy

When I first knew I was going to be the husband of a Rev I scoured the internet for advice.

One of the books I found was matthew caminer's "a clergy husband's survival guide"

In summary what this book does is give guidance around four themes.  I've picked out some of the advice that resonated with me ....




1) the journey - which covers the long process towards ordination and the early years and issues like the initial interviews or what to expect if either of you have been divorced.

advice
- be proactive in booking leisure time that you both do together.
- in preparation for the 1st posting  - talk about how much you can plan for by thinking ahead (my addition to this would be to also recognise what should not  be thought through ahead)



2) clergy husband: what does it mean? - which covers issues like your self knowledge, church attendance, her journey and yours, boundaries and expectations.

advice
- take the initiative in maintaining contact with old friends.
- make sure you have activities that reflect your own interests.



3) lifestyle issues - which covers issues like who pays which bills, grants, email and telephones, days off, the use of the house for church business.

advice
- agree which bits of the home are available for church business and which are not.
- leave a a message pad by all telephones in the house.



4) if things go wrong - which covers issues like discord within the parish, sex, adultery and addiction, loss of faith, illness and bereavement
. advice
- talk with your wife about any battles with the hierarchy but don't intervene
- be aware of your weak areas and know what the early warning signs are