This Blog - a change to how often I post

I started this blog to share my experiences of being a Revs husband.  

I decided to do that because when I started as a RH I couldn't find much help or insight on the internet.  

For the last year or so I've blogged every week on a variety of subjects.

(as indicated by the thematic index below which has links to the various posts).

Over that time I think I've covered many of the main themes a vicar's spouse might wish to find some advice on.

So I know think its time to switch to posting as and when I come across experiences and situations I think would be of use for other husbands of Revs.  If you have any request for subjects to cover let me know via comments on this post.

THEMATIC INDEX OF PREVIOUS POSTS

BLOG - why I started it, 

CHURCH - after church, going to church together, how much do you get involved, remembering names, sermon bingo, parish weekend away 10 tips, what you don't know, 

FAMILY & HOUSE - christmas, christmas lunch, somebody else's decoration, answering the door, answering the phone, cooking & housework, easter, losing your lounge, only 3 years, maintenance, telling the family we're moving,  moving top 11 tips, the study/greeting room, tied housing, 

MONEY - charitable giving, what the church pay for, 

REVS HUSBAND - advice in books, advice any suggestions? advice to your wife - best given when asked for, your calling, talking about christian things with the wife, feedback to your wife, your own friends, gender stereotypes, your spiritual health, ideas to your wife, not having your own space, 

TIME OFF - post christmas break, weekday evenings, the day off, weekends, old & new friends, 

TRANSPORT - 2 cars, 

UNRELATED - Comms & digital media - 10 lessons from 7 years, Easter & Lent: various clips, Walking in Nepal 1, 2, 3, Pentecost: various clips, 

YOUR WIFE - colds in December, craft materials, daily office, their ordination, their shoes,  wedding couple chats, 

Where to get #advice as a Rev's husband - any suggestions or topics?

One of the reasons I started thisblog was because when I searched the internet for advice on being a Rev's husband I didn't find a lot.

I did discover that using the words clergy, spouse and husband in a google search brings up an interesting array of articles about clergy straying from the straight and narrow with someone else's husband or wife.


So over the last 9 months or so I've tried to blog on my experiences as a Rev's husband in what I hope is a useful way. I've covered topics like moving house, what the diocese pays for, living in tied housing, deciding how much to get involved in your wife's church, advice in books, her day off, choosing shoes (no really!) , losing the weekend, your own spiritual development, answering the phone and going to church together.

If you've got some suggestions on topics you'd like me to cover do please let me know via a comment

Answering the phone

One of the things I've had to get used to when my wife became a Rev is that most phone calls to the house are now for her in her Rev role.  

At first I'd pick up a ringing phone if I was near one - but as it was almost always for her this either meant:

a) I had to take a message if she wasn't around;

OR

b) the caller would almost always - rather sweetly - engage in small talk with me before asking to speak to the Rev.

I soon learnt that to save time for myself and the caller the best approach is actually to let calls go to answerphone.  If it actually was somebody trying to get through to me I could always pick the call up as they left a message.

A mate of mine whose Dad was a dentist shared another "trick" to screen calls - family and friends are told to let the phone ring 3 times, then hang up, then call back straight away - the 3 rings then hang up approach basically alerts the household that a friend/family is about to ring.

I've also read advice that the answerphone message should (sadly) be in a man's voice as apparently this tends to discourage the more cranky messages and callers.

#advice in #books for #husbands of #clergy

When I first knew I was going to be the husband of a Rev I scoured the internet for advice.

One of the books I found was matthew caminer's "a clergy husband's survival guide"

In summary what this book does is give guidance around four themes.  I've picked out some of the advice that resonated with me ....




1) the journey - which covers the long process towards ordination and the early years and issues like the initial interviews or what to expect if either of you have been divorced.

advice
- be proactive in booking leisure time that you both do together.
- in preparation for the 1st posting  - talk about how much you can plan for by thinking ahead (my addition to this would be to also recognise what should not  be thought through ahead)



2) clergy husband: what does it mean? - which covers issues like your self knowledge, church attendance, her journey and yours, boundaries and expectations.

advice
- take the initiative in maintaining contact with old friends.
- make sure you have activities that reflect your own interests.



3) lifestyle issues - which covers issues like who pays which bills, grants, email and telephones, days off, the use of the house for church business.

advice
- agree which bits of the home are available for church business and which are not.
- leave a a message pad by all telephones in the house.



4) if things go wrong - which covers issues like discord within the parish, sex, adultery and addiction, loss of faith, illness and bereavement
. advice
- talk with your wife about any battles with the hierarchy but don't intervene
- be aware of your weak areas and know what the early warning signs are