Ordination and #answering the #door

(ht NASA for the image)

So its getting ordained time.  Not me - the better half.  In preparation my soon to be Rev wife has gone away on a retreat. Via phone calls I've learnt that  - apart from this being the final spiritual preparation for the big ordination day - its also where they do the various swearing loyalty oaths thing.

One is an oath of allegiance to the monarch - "I, A B, do swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, her heirs and successors, according to law: So help me God. "

And the other is an oath of Obedience" I, A B, do swear by Almighty God that I will pay true and canonical obedience to the Lord Bishop of C and his successors in all things lawful and honest: So help me God."


Given what I heard Revs say about the monarchy and/or their bishop it appears that some people take these oaths less seriously than others - or are just forgetful!

The ordination service itself was very moving and of course I was terribly proud of my wife who is now a Deacon and can use the Rev title.  With luck about a year from now she'll be "priested".  After the service there was much photographing of the group of ordinands and friends and family.  The Vicar from the church she's going to be a curate at came along as did several people from the congregation.

On a more mundane note I've been reading up online about the answering the curacy door to homeless people.  Some people seem to suggest this will happen quite a lot so you need to think through your response - so do you give money or offer a cup of tea and a sarnie? - do you invite them in or keep them on the doorstop.

My gut tells me this actually won't be a big issue - although to be fair the online advice I did find often said this was more likely to happen once the Rev becomes a vicar and the main point of focus in a parish(s).  

Also the parish my wife is now a curate in is pretty affluent so I'm guessing this won't be a real issue - but it has demonstrated again how hard it is to find advice from other husbands of Revs on this - or other matters.

what the church or #Diocese does or doesn't #pay for

We pay for the phone & internet connections and the heating and lighting.  

In my wife's case the church provided the curate's house and pay for any works on it and for her working expenses, (e.g. paper, stamps, phone calls, petrol for getting to church activities).  

The Diocese pay for any training required for her and also pay for the water and council tax.

I am told that clergy tax returns are a complicated thing in terms of what you can and can't claim for and have to declare as payment in kind.  

So for the 1st year at least the other half is going to get an expert to do the tax return.  As we're renting out our old house and its in our joint names we'll also each have to declare the half of the rent we each receive.  I'm also told you need to nominate the house you own as your primary residence with the tax people.  Apparently this avoids Capital Gains Tax if you sell it.

In our Diocese the diocese also pay for the moving costs - even to the extent of a move where the  movers come in and pack everything up for you.  We've never had that before so it came as a very welcome luxury.  You still need to do all the unpacking the other end.

#Cooking and #housework

ht Tomas Laurinavicius for the photo via picjumbo.com

When my wife started her academic training to become a Rev I took on the bulk of the food shopping and cooking duties. 

Previously she had done most of this as I had a longish commute into London each day for work.

Fortunately for us around the time she started studying my circumstances changed and the long commute was no more.

For us making this change turned out to have been the right choice.  All the reading and essay writing and assignments that the course required meant that she would never have had the time to do the cooking for the family as well in the evening.

So for the 3 years she was a studying for the theology degree (non residential) I did almost all of the cooking and food shopping.  I was less good at taking on the house cleaning, clothes washing and ironing duties.  

Since we moved in preparation for the other half starting as a curate I've kept up with the shopping and food cooking duties and got a little better at the cleaning duties (but not the ironing).  To give me a break from cooking the other half does cook once a week - normally on the day off.

For us changing circumstances for both of us meant we were prompted to fall into a new routine that better suited the 6 day a week role my wife was taking on as a Rev.  For others of you it maybe that only the Rev one of you has a change in circumstance ... in which case you need to have a deliberate conversation about what changes to home based chores you need to make. 

how much do you get involved in the church(es) your wife is the curate at

We've been in our current parish for well over a decade.  When we moved into the village it was tempting to commute to a bigger more lively church.

But rather than do that we decided to go to the local village church.

Over time we've made many friends in the church and village as our two daughters grew up.  

And over that time we've tried to be more than consumers at the village church.

The list of roles we've helped with over those 10+ years is quite large and includes youth work, Sunday School, PCC, bible study groups, leading services, playing in the worship band, being a churchwarden, being a sidesperson, doing prayers and readings, helping with the maintenance work around the churchyard and church building, helping various projects to improve the buildings.

As my wife moves towards ordination I'm now thinking through which, if any roles it would be appropriate for me to volunteer for when she becomes a vicar at a church (or more likely now-a-days vicar for several churches).

Chatting with friends about this some have said there should be no limit to what roles I could do.

What my gut tells me is to do some things - like readings and prayers in church - but to keep away from any more formal roles.  I guess in part it will come down to what help is needed in the parishes we move to and what level of my involvement my wife is comfortable with.